Needing some guidance... 4

[reachingHigher]

When you add the number of people telling your S they should divorce you, it leaves very few people holding up the marriage banner.

They need to read Chapter One of DB. The Not-So-Great Escape.

[RoRoinMD]

Just echoing but yes. Only two of my friends and my mom support what I am doing. Others are just like 'screw him'

My heart is with u all

When you add the number of people telling your S they should divorce you, it leaves very few people holding up the marriage banner.

They need to read Chapter One of DB. The Not-So-Great Escape.

I've just chosen not to tell anyone what I'm doing. I just say I have a plan, let me do it. I'll be fine.

[jks]

When you add the number of people telling your S they should divorce you, it leaves very few people holding up the marriage banner.

They need to read Chapter One of DB. The Not-So-Great Escape.

Agreed!

But in actuality, I don't think people are telling my H to D me. I think more and more people are telling him to at least give us a chance.

But no one understands my reasons for sticking around. I'm going to go with Brit's advice and say I'm just focusing on me and turn the conversation back on them. It's starting to get really frustrating and I feel beaten down at times because of it.

[bustingout]

Don't get beaten down. This is exactly when you need to stand tall.

This is your M. Your decision. Your life.

Am with you jks.

[sophiedaphne]

Yes, it's so hard. I feel like everyone is against me, too! I explained the DB thing to my mom, and now she gets it, but I have a family friend who's a lawyer, and he said the first thing I needed to do was to stop acting like a doormat, take my money from the account, and tell him to get the 'f' out of my apartment.

[Brit45]

My mom used to have a phrase "don't cast your pearls before the swine" it comes from a bible story I think. But basically don't give your wisdom to people who won't understand it.

Those people pressuring you to D, or think that you should be more vindictive and less forgiving towards your S are operating at a lower level than you. And if you try to explain to them, you're only really wasting your breath.

It happened to me two weeks ago and everytime I would explain to a friend why I/we were doing something her response was "Okay, but what are you getting out of this?" "So he's moving in with someone and you're still supposed to be apologizing for stuff in the past" The point is I don't see things that way anymore. I am living my life differently and so there's not reason in explaining to them "being still" or "detaching with love" or just waiting to see if there's a chance.

The idea of being that vulnerable scares them and so they think we are strange to choose to be "not in control" and that we seem happy and calm about it.

[reachingHigher]

Wow! I love that. It makes so much sense! It's the "higher ground". Thanks!

[MrBond]

What it comes down to is that no one knows what the LBS feels until they've experienced it themselves. It's easy to tell someone to do something or recommend something because in the end it doesn't affect them.

For many people, an A would have been a deal breaker. Then it happens for real, and suddenly they find themselves not wanting to D.

[reachingHigher]

My sister said that she thought the reason that some friends have become less supportive to me, is their fear the same marriage difficulties could happen to them.

MrBond, I have appreciated all your posts. They always stimulate me to think, and I appreciate that so much! Thank you!

[MrBond]

No problem reachingHigher. That's what we're here for! : )

"My sister said that she thought the reason that some friends have become less supportive to me, is their fear the same marriage difficulties could happen to them. "

Oftentimes it's because they feel awkward and don't want to take sides. It's not that they are less supportive of you, they just don't understand. Until it happens to them and the first person they'll go to for help is you because you've been there. You wouldn't believe how many of my friend's marriages I've saved in my personal life.