don't tell me your h is a cancer, because then i'll [censored] a brick!! sorry that was crude - can't remember any more if that's an american term,or a british one or an indian one!!
by the way don't forget to read the one for gemini right now - it applies to us because jupiter - our planet just moved into gemini - it actually is very apt to us also.
i like what you said about loving ourselves comes in many forms - you're right - and to recognize each little one is the key to making us feel more whole and fill in that space - you know that space - i'm not saying, but everyone knows (grin)
well 15 mins after h left - i had to call him. s was supposed to check with him this morning about that damn fencing course and didn't. it starts in 3 hours.
i have to admit i was trying to pass it on to the 2 of them to decide - but the universe needed me to take care of it directly. so , i sighed, and picked up the phone.
it went pretty well- i stayed back, didn't push the issue and let h do all the circling with this that and the other reason - validated everything he said and just waited until he said it was okay.
what a friggin' dance!! in the end we came to a resolution together that we both agreed on. i asked him if he would like to tell s directly and he said no - you actually woke me up - i was taking a nap - 15 mins after he was here - admittedly his house is a couple of mins away - he must have left here, gone straight there and laid down. he said he had woken up at 4.30 and couldn't sleep - i know what that is - when we were together, he always did that when he was really stressed out. he started talking about other stuff, so i gently let him for a min and then said i had to go.
lately i've been noticing very strange little things in our conversations - always about s - he'll start ranting or insisting on s do it this way or that and why doesn't s get it, etc, i find myself thinking while he's saying that hmmm funny - does he not realize everyone else is thinking the same about him?
today it was more of the same- i really want s to join a team sport - i really wish it could be that way. and i thought to myself - well, i really wish you would come back, i wish it could be that way - but i just have to accept that you aren't. just like he has to accept that s doesn't enjoy it and him wanting it for s is more a reflection of himself than s. he said something about how joining a team sport would kill s. i just said gently, it wouldn't kill him, he'd just be overwhelmed by not being able to keep up. his response - i didn't mean literally.
can't help thinking - of what i read in the mlc stuff of how it feels to them as if they will literally die if they don't run. i swear if i didn't know better, i'd think he was talking about himself rather than s - that only in talking about s he can give me this info he needs to give me.
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
