Had my call with Cheryl yesterday evening. I gave her a rundown on what's been going on since I talked to her in March. Told her in the beginning I did not want to do the whole “be his girlfriend” thing, so I just did it so I could tell her that it didn’t work. LOL She said whatever my motivation was, she was glad I did it.
She thinks that H is no longer running from me, but that he's running to me. (I'm not so sure about this) She thinks H is holding on to what she called the last little string in OW, and that every time I bring her up, OW wins. She says H is going to go where it’s nice to be. Right now, it’s easier to stay than to go.
Her #1 assignment for me: Keep up what I’m doing. She thinks H and I are rediscovering each other and that’s what we stopped doing and how we ended up where we are.
I told her I sometimes see H’s face change when we are talking or having some sort of fun. She says it’s because he’s still very skeptical and finds himself getting sucked in.
I told her I’m trying not to sweat the small stuff anymore and just live. She says it’s a great time to learn to just be. She told me I’ve had an appreciation adjustment.
She told me not to mention H moving out. She said talk is cheap. If he really wanted to leave he would have by now. I told her he doesn’t have the money to move out. She says he could always go sleep on a friend’s couch, which is true.
We talked quite a bit about him still talking to OW. She does not think this is a big deal. She thinks he’s a people pleaser and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. She says he doesn’t like to displease anyone which is true.
She says I know H is not sleeping with OW, and the crazier she gets, the likelihood is that he will pull out of the conversations with her. She says OW can’t lie next to him, and I can SO take advantage of that.
She also pointed out that it was okay for me to have a pissy night every now and then. But make the togetherness (us spending time together) a routine.
She also mentioned that my “strength” is being used in a different way. That my strength before was loud, and maybe even bullying. (This caught me off guard…but it is true. ) She says I’m using my strength in a softer way.
She lastly encouraged me to finish How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, which I intend to do.
I feel mostly okay about where I am. She sees progress where I really don't, and I told her so. I said I still feel like I need to be "doing" something. She told me I had been "doing" something and that's why I am where I am. She actually said she wished more calls were like mine. I started to ask if it was because she liked hanging with crazy, but I didn't.
Once I got home last night, I pulled tonight's together and threw it in the oven. By the time I finished, my back was killing me. H offered to rub some Biofreeze on my back, and then I took some meds and went to bed. This morning when I got up, H told me he had stayed up last night to make sure I actually got some sleep. Said I kept tossing and turning. Kinda made me feel weird (who watches people sleep?), but I did tell him I appreciated it later in a text message.
Anyway, guess I'll just keep swimming! Hope you all are having a great day.
) She says I’m using my strength in a softer way.
