Thanks for your reply. It means a lot and reading it brought tears to me eyes. I don't think I can forgive myself.
I don't feel strong. I feel guilty. My husband hurt me, sure, but he never did it with an intent to hurt me. He did his best. And I know that I did things with the intent to hurt him. Quite often.
I hope this becomes evidenced during counseling. I hope he feels it's a safe place to discuss this stuff. It doesn't feel enough for him to say that he doesn't feel "ill will" towards me. How could he ever trust me again? He can't and we both know that he can't.
