It's wonderful and life-altering that you're recognizing the unhealthy patterns you used to fall into. Your challenge, over the next while, will be to learn to understand and forgive yourself, and create new & healthier ways of relating to others.
We are all brought up by imperfect parents, who wound us deeply, and yet we end up marrying someone who creates the same dynamic, because on an unconscious level it feels familiar and comfortable. Try not to beat yourself up too much about doing what we all do--the important thing is that once you can see the pattern, you needn't be trapped by it any more.
Also, you state that you "broke" your H; in fact, he too will have found himself replaying childhood dynamics in your treatment of him, and it's that double-whammy that has brought him to his knees. Don't worry about taking his hurt away, or showing him your changes right now--he is the only one who can do the work to understand where his wounds are, and how he can heal them.
Right now, just focus on becoming healthier, recognizing your strength, and give your H the space to grow and learn as you are doing.
