Needing some guidance... 4

[jks]

Amazing how the little things can affect our mood and our outlook on our situation.

I've been having really rough nights lately. Waking up tons of times. I try to stay awake late reading just to avoid the tossing and turning.

This is exactly me. My mom doesn't understand why I stay up so late every night. But it's like, do I want to lye in bed thinking about H or do I want to stay up and read something that makes me feel inspired and forget about him? I'll take the latter. It's my way of coping right now.

Sleeping hasn't been that bad for me lately though. I haven't had bad dreams in a long time. I think what triggered it is that I went to dinner with an old neighbor of mine who's H left her last year out of the blue for another woman and is now married to that woman. (a woman he worked with, mind you)

We talked for hours and hours last night and it just really dug up a lot of emotions that I've been feeling lately. I'm starting to think that talking about it so much isn't as healthy for me as I thought. It's like... I've been over this time and time again. I don't want to focus on this anymore.

That is probably the main reason I've felt so good lately because I haven't really been talking about my situation and when I did, it was brief. But last night was a different story. I mean, we met at 5:30 and didn't leave the restaurant until 11:00. I need to stop doing that.