Needing some guidance... 4

[jks]

Thank you, sunny, for posting. My thought process lately has been that whatever will be, will be. I will be happy regardless.

I am having a rough one this morning, however. I had awful dreams last night about H and OW. The part that hurt the most was that he was so disrespectful to me. He wouldn't answer any of my questions in a serious manner. He just laughed in my face and beat around the bush on giving me a straight answer. Then he would say something totally off the wall to hurt me and I wouldn't know whether to believe him or not. I was pleading with him to stop his behavior and when I woke up this morning I felt like a train hit me.

I feel like I emotionally really had that conversation and I'm starting my day emotionally drained. Super annoying. So here I am venting to get out this frustration.

I'm tired of waking up alone. Going to bed at night alone doesn't really bother me because I really do value my time to read and ponder about things by myself. (plus, when I was with H, he works nights until about 1:00 in the morning so I was used to it) It's just waking up in the morning and realizing, oh, yeah... he's not here. It still affects me EVERYDAY. Especially when my kids aren't here.

Here is my dip down on this rollercoaster. Can't wait to start feeling better.

GAL activities...
-I'm going to spend the morning going through my clothes and purging a bunch of stuff.

-Later in the day I'm headed to a childhood friend's house to do a photoshoot of her and her baby in their home. I'm super excited about this because she has such amazing style. It will be inspirational for me. (Btw, fun fact, for any of you who watch Yo Gabba Gabba with your kids... my friend that I'm shooting today is Foofa, the pink one. Really. She is the voice and she wears the costume and dances around on the show. It's pretty funny to have her do the voice for my kids because they're in awe that "Foofa" is really in our home. They love it.)

-Yesterday I got my hair cut and colored. Has anyone heard of melting? Well, I've never done it before but thought I'd try it and I'm loving it.

-I just recently met another photographer friend, in person, whom I've been friends with on FB for a long time. We had such a great time with each other last week that we've decided to do playdates every Thurs. She is probably the sweetest person I have ever met and so talented too. I look forward to our playdates each week. She couldn't have come in to my life at a better time... seriously.

-I continue to work out. I did an extremely hard work out yesterday. A cross training class that truly kicked my butt.

Honestly, just talking about these things is making me feel a lot better. I have a life... my H isn't the center of the universe. Detach.