My situation with my WAW....

[zig]

I would do anything, pay any price, move anywhere, to have my back.

i assume that was a typo and you meant have my wife back

if so, then start by using that energy to pay the price - as you put it. the price in this case is to stop seeing what she is doing and start seeing what you are doing.

the price is to go through the painful journey of your own growth, the price is to give her her space, to forgive her completely, and to use this time to work on yourself.

and the biggest price is to find out along the long long way, that what you see now is not always what you will feel as you go through your own journey, and what you think is true may not seem the same later - but that price - is the prize - that you allow yourself to have.

as long as we focus on what our WAS's are doing, we pay the harsh price of losing/delaying the opportunity to go through our own necessary growth.

so make sure that the price you pay is the correct one - don't lose this opportunity to pay the real price - that of your own growth. i did that after my first divorce and then HAD to pay it this time around.

this is here to teach you something - find out what it is before you try to teach your wife something. the secret here is that she'll find out on her own - she doesn't need your help.

i hope i don't sound too harsh, and i know that you might not really be able to hear the words that i'm saying - but if that's the case - at least start with a beginner's mind: that you don't really know how to go about it, and that if you really listen to what is being said here, that eventually you will get it.

'act as if' is the starting point - even if you don't feel it - it's crucial to act as if, because then you'll eventually start to feel it, and then it will start to become clearer to you what you must do for yourself. it won't come to you tomorrow or next week or anytime soon that you can imagine - it will take much longer than you think, and then it will suddenly be a real thing that you feel.

zig