The lawn is not too long. There are also still a lot of ants- can you spray again? Also, did you ever clean that gutter? I notice when it rains it spills out in that corner very heavily. Also, what is going on with that area where you planted hasta? Do you intend on finishing that off? It looks kind of odd.
In terms of the house, I still have not decided what I would like to do. Before we meet I intend of meeting with a lawyer to go over what my rights are in certain things. It is my expectation that if we sell the house I get the XXXX that I paid into the down payment right off the top. The bathroom will also need to be fixed before it goes on the market if we do sell. Other things will need to be done to the house too and my expectation is that you would help with those things, both financially and physically.
Also, in terms of my car, I have documentation of you saying you would be helping me pay for it, from both before it was purchased and from after we separated. I want to see what my rights are in terms of this as well.
I am not doing this to screw you, or get revenge, but I intend on sticking up for myself and what I believe is right in this situation which you brought upon yourself. I am glad you are happy with where you are in life. I am actually doing really well. I have realized through this process just how amazingly strong I am, and how much love and support I have from my friends, family and even colleagues. I'm sorry that people are saying hurtful things about your behaviors. People have been nothing but supportive of me.
Why don't you clean the gutter and spray for ants and fix the area that looks "odd"?
I, personally, would not announce my intention to meet with a L. I would just do it.
You talk about the car but he had not brought that up. If he tries to change the terms of the agreement later, then you bring up the documentation. Maybe ask the L when you meet (soon) what your rights are about that to see if it would be beneficial to get some kind of separation agreement in place for your finances.
You don't need to announce you are going to stick up for your rights. Just do it, and your actions will say it for you.
The area that looks odd is something that he did when he came to our house last week without telling me he was going to do it....I have no intention of fixing/finishing projects that he started.
The thing with the car is that we got a new "family" car for me....one that he found and researched that would be good and safe for the children we were planning to have. I bought it and was making payments that I couldn't afford. The deal was I'd buy it and make the high payments for a few months until he was done paying off his car, and then he'd put his car payments towards my car. We have a joint account and then separate accounts too. We pay our joint bills through our joint account and our personal ones through the separate account. One of our issues was that he finished paying off his car but then wasn't helping me with my payments (but then decided to go to the Superbowl- $$$$$$ when I was flailing financially). He doesn't bring up the car, but him cutting down the payments to our joint account would mean he was only paying for half the mortgage and no longer paying on the car. I cannot afford the car without his additional payments. I am done school this week and will be contacting a lawyer.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
The area that looks odd is something that he did when he came to our house last week without telling me he was going to do it....I have no intention of fixing/finishing projects that he started.
Then I wouldn't bring it up. You're in a tricky position where you're both paying for a house and plan on splitting the profit but only one of you is living in it.
I think you should email him and set a date for about a month from now to talk about things.
Meet with a lawyer before then, decide what you want to do about the house. He obviously doesn't want to rush you on the decision but at some point there needs to be a plan.
I understand you're angry about the car, it would have been better if he'd talked about whether he was going to pay. Did you ever talk to him or just assume from his deposits?
Do you want the car? Or do you want the option of having the car and having him pay for it?
Sometimes we hang on in strange ways. If the car is a "family car" then maybe you would actually enjoy selling it and getting a Single Maggie car that would be cheaper.
The car is fine, it is not what I would buy now knowing what I know, but selling it really isn't an option. It was bought brand new and probably would sell for less than I owe on it after only making payments for 8 months or so. When he first moved out he sent me an email saying he planned on paying $350 additional per month into our joint to help me with the car (I saved that email as well as ones from before when we were making decisions on which car to buy where he says he will start making payments on it once his car is paid off, which happened in Feb). Also in the emails I mention buying a used car and since he was still nice H then he talks about how I deserve a brand new car after dealing with the junk box I had before. Ha! He makes A LOT more money than I do and his company paid for his grad school whereas I have a lot of student loans. So I have more debt and make less money. I also paid the down payment on our house, so hopefully if we sell and make the money back on our house I can buy a condo or something.
The other issue I am worried about with moving, if I can't afford to buy a new place, we have 3 cats, all young, which I assume I would be taking with me. I've been checking craigslist and all the posts are for no animals or one cat. I think I'd like to move closer to the city but this will be an issue. I'm not willing to give up my pets either.
What a pain in the butt all this stuff is!
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
Oh- I meant to also post this, my response courtesy of Vera's editing! I have a ton to do for work over the next 2.5 weeks, plus get my car fixed after getting rear ended and then I leave for a bachelorette weekend. I can't deal with meeting a lawyer until after that so I will do it on my terms then get in touch with him.
The lawn is not too long.
In terms of the house I still have not decided what I would like to do. I will contact you when I am ready to meet and discuss.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
Last night I went to a concert with friends and I ran into H's best friend. He was really happy to see me and gave me a big hug. He actually saw my best friend and followed her assuming I would be with her. He told me that he thinks about me often and how him and his wife miss me (wife texted me a few weeks ago asking if I would come visit her soon). It made me feel good.
This morning I woke up to an email from my mother in law saying she misses me and asking me lots of questions about my plans for the summer. She asked that I please write back and keep in touch (I didn't respond to her last email). I think I will write back but be vague about my summer plans- I don't think she would share the email with H but you never know. I talked to my other friend this morning (who knows all parties involved) and she said to her it just shows how much of a wiener (her words-ha!) my H is that all these people that are HIS people are saying how much they miss me.
I am going out for lunch and drinks with my friend from work and his girlfriend and his best friend, who he wants me to meet. I'm going with an open mind. I feel like I am ready to start meeting new people, not dating, but making new friends, etc.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
