Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

sorry labug - i totally missed your first reply. thanks for the hug.

the one with personality similar to H)

thats the trigger isn't it. i am seeing SO much of h in s recently - it's as if he's changing before my eyes in the last few months - i think he's trying to be like h.for all i know, in his little young mind he associates h's leaving with me, and if h left then if he's like me then he needs to change and be like h.

i'm not saying that from an insecure place - i am SO starting to find myself again, and literally by the hour beginning to be more and more the real zig.

seems as if each time i go through this "trauma" of discovering something about myself, something releases and one more little part of the real me emerges to replace it.

these last few days, i have intensively been shedding h's presence in my sense of self and it is being replaced immediately by what i originally used to feel and stand for. it's amazing how i FEEL myself more and more

I give myself credit for being able to realize what I've done and taking positive steps to change that behavior.

And then I release it.

yes, that is the way to do it - and what i have noticed is that just the mere awareness of it, seems to allow the release.

today i had the thought that when we are not aware of our true feelings, they emerge from us as seriously dysfunctional behavior, and the underlying "stuff" is so hidden that we are not even aware of it.

the insights that i made about myself after what happened last night - were huge and i saw in a flash what i had become instead of acknowledging those feelings.there was this great real ease, and i have spent the whole day with s, both of us completely in sync and i could feel from him that he could sense my peace and love, and he really responded to it

thanks for your kind words and gentle reassurance today.

zig