So yes, by your words he DID appear to have been trying and sure, he made a point on putting a spotlight on his "effort" (a classic LBS mistake).
Is this in regards to the comment at the dinner table or in his comment about S's tv habits?
I see the pattern that you're referring to. We did it again in a brief conversation tonight. It went something like this:
H: Whenever I do something wrong, you apply some catastrophic consequence to our M. CV: Catastrophic, like what? H: Like sleeping in the other bedroom. CV: That's your definition. I don't define that as catastrophic, I define it as a good night's sleep. I define catastrophic as going out and sleeping with someone else. I certainly don't do that. H: Well why can't you just get over it quickly and get on with the day? CV: How long is "quickly?" I believe you were upset about taking the tv out of the bedroom for about 6 hours, and it was your decision to do it. H: Well it was painful for me, and six hours is nothing compared to you. CV: Okay, so you think six hours is a reasonable time period? Then it was perfectly reasonable for me to still be angry about your treatment of me three hours later when I blew off the luncheon. So what was your problem with my behavior? H: I wasn't pissy. CV: Perhaps not by your definition, but you were by mine. H: Well it was painful for me. CV: I understand that. And your treatment of me when I was asked for help was painful for me. H: Well I thought I would have an advocate in regards to S. Why does it always have to come back to me? I felt judged. CV: I don't have a better answer than parenting by example. If you feel judged, then you did your own judging. I never asked you to take the tv out of the bedroom. ....etc., etc.
Yeah, I see lots of defensiveness on both parts. Where to intercept? Can I just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way...." What, I don't even know, I can't even come up with an example.
