Sadly Returning

[25yearsmlc]

I am in counselling and i understand pushing her was wrong. I just wanted to be honest here. It wasnt right...that was however a message that re-posted from the affair section. This was a one time situation not something that has happened in our 7 years of marrige and it does change everything...i am broken and beaten.

you are NOT defeated. Many people have had this, and worse, happen to them and they have picked themselves up and moved forward. You have a daughter from a previous r? That r ended and you did not curl up and die, did you?

As for saying you "divorce busted" before...how so? B/C you also said after four YEARS it still wasn't that great or 100%

so how did you divorce bust before?

Do you mean you simply got your w to stay married?

OR DO YOU MEAN YOU CHANGED & USED THE METHODS HERE TO DO SO?

there's a big difference

However, i havent messaged her tuesday. Thank You, for being so blunt with me far to many of my friends are giving me excuses...i dont think that im worthy of them. It happened its not the most horrible thing in the world and it showed that i was hurt but i need someone to say its not ok because its not...my guilt is consuming to say the least.


it's NOT Okay and it's also NOT admissible in court, btw...



So don't even go there. If your wife has had an affair, and yes- it sounds like it-

decide if it's something you'll ever get past b/c if it's not, then drop this all and move on.

But if you really want to be married to this woman and NOT just simply want to be the one who does the leaving...(as opposed to being the one who got rejected, which is your pride talking) then

why not go back to the list of things she complained about before and see what LASTING changes YOU made vis a vis that list?

were they real?
Bottom line-
you want her to believe marriage to you could be better/different than before- or she won't come back. Period.

So how are YOU SHOWING THAT?

Suggesting that you two just go make love and "fix it all" reveals a very immature approach to conflict resolution.

Texting that would also be the OPPOSITE of what you need to do now.

Back OFF! You can't be around her right now b/c you are not in control of yourself.

Losing control is so NOT attractive...and it's scary - which gives her ammunition now.

Also, You are nowhere near ready to date and it'd be terribly unfair to a woman for you to pretend otherwise.

But having fun w/friends is mandatory!

we all talk about Getting A Life a lot b/c it works!

What are you doing to GAL? Join something or take a class or learn something new. MEET NEW PEOPLE who don't know your marital situation.


Did you read the Div Busting or Divorce Remedy book? I sure hope so.

If not, start there and read the book BEFORE you spin your wheels anymore doing the opposite of what you need to do.


And please spend time with your daughter, who is probably very freaked out right now. Is she close to her step brother? How is HE taking all this?

Be the best dad/step dad you can be right NOW. The kids need it - it's the right thing to do, and no woman is unmoved by that.

Seeing her son and you interacting positively is a good thing no woman just throws that away. And seeing you show your d how a man "mans up" when he's made a mistake AND MOVES ON, is important too.

You can get through this. You will.

There's no shame in getting professional help. Been there, done that.