CV, you did a great job and I honour your effort in that.
You had a no win scenario when your H asked for advice regarding the TV. Any answer from you may have triggered him.
I learned (after a lot of mistakes) that the best answer is, "I don't know. We can look into that."
This past friday when I picked up my D9 from my W's, my W said "Hi." to me in a pleasant enough way and I responded in kind with a "hey." I immediately saw that triggered her and suspect it wasn't actually the word, but rather that I was distracted in my thoughts and it might have come across a little abrupt.
Here's where I can see the difference between what happened afterwards between my W and I and what happened between your H and you...
I continued on as though nothing happened...
Whereas it appears that the "normal" dynamic between your H and you occurred. He got defensive, you put up your walls, and communication broke down again.
He triggered on what appeared to be an honest suggestion from you. That's his problem. But then again, he came to you with his problem when he could have solved it himself. And if you would have pointed that out to him, he probably would have triggered on that.
So yes, by your words he DID appear to have been trying and sure, he made a point on putting a spotlight on his "effort" (a classic LBS mistake).
Maybe the best out would have been for you to let him know that you were sorry, you thought he was asking you for advice and suggestions and that you did not intend to sound like you were judging him. And then left him with that thought and carried on.
As far as the rest, I just want to say that it is important to focus on one thing at a time and take it slowly. Working on you will be a long process done bit by bit. Your H will have the same experience. So him doing better at one thing will not mean he's getting better in other areas. Let him get his wobbly legs under him with one thing and soon he may pick up the pace with all things...
