Lost

[bustorama]

Dscl,

You may not feel like it, but you are actually in a very powerful position right now and totally in control of your own destiny.

We talked for about an hour about all our old issues I told her I knew we both mad mistakes but I wanted to fix them. I ask her if she lover the OM, she got quiet so I asked again, and then she said YES. I told her that she had to choose our family or OM. She said she needed couple of days to think about it.

I said OK

Your correct response is not "OK." That is you responding out of fear of losing her. You have already lost her. Saying "OK" to her waywardness will not regain her.

Don't let yourself, your M and your kids be disrespected this way. Are you OK with your W sleeping with another man? Are you OK with an interloper in your M? Are you ok with your W escaping your family to be with OM? I imagine all of these violate core boundaries of how you want to be treated?

seeing it was late and raining I [said] she could stay in the guest room, and she said OK.

So, let me get this straight. Your W admits she is screwing another man. She admits she has let herself fall in love with another man. She tells you she has to think about whether or not she is going to leave you, not sure if you, your M, or your family is worth it.

And you invite her to stay for the night.

I went to me room and sat in bed thinking about things
and then it hit me, why does she need a couple of days t think about family or OM?
Why I'm I given her this time and letting her sleep in our family house when she told me she loves OM? So I went to her room and told her I made up my mind.

There you go!

You either leave OM and commit to making our M work, or we can't begin to fix us. She told me she still needed a couple of days. I told her that it not an option, you either want to work on our M or you want to be with OM. She started with the ITLTL speak, and I told her we have not even tried to fix it and I did not want to be a plan B if the A with the OM did not work.

Preach on!

She said then fine, I choose him. I then said OK you have to go and she left. I don't think it was fair to ask me her H of 10yrs to give her a couple of days to choose her family or some guy she has been with for a month.

You don't deserve to be treated like that. Set and hold that boundary of how you expect to be treated in a marital relationship. Her choice to abide by it or not.

NOW, while you are holding that boundary, let's get to work on YOU!

What was your part in the breakdown of the M?

What can you change/better about yourself?

How can you start reinventing and improving yourself?

What can you do to get a life (GAL?)

Have you read DR or DB yet?