Rachael, I thought you might have mentioned divorce when you were angry to try to shock him. Unfortunately, it doesn't work all of the time and I have a feeling your h's has learned to tune ou out when you are angry.
A child w/ADD takes a very special person to understand how their mind works. Many people don't understand that the children look normal, but their brain wiring is a bit scrambled, but these kids are gifted in their own way. I can see where he may lose patience w/him, not only because of the ADD, but because your son isn't his biological son. I'm so sorry about this. I'm sure your son tries very hard to do things right.
Can you go to this therapist separately? I don't think your h is going to go back to see this therapist. I might be wrong about that, but if he truly wanted to do it, he would find a way to make time for it. You need support and if I were in your shoes, I would make an appointment and go on my own. If I'm not mistaken, therapists will not tell you what to do in all cases, they listen and may offer up some suggestions, but they generally just listen and allow patients to talk and hopefully work through their issues.
I hope that you can find a way to detach from him and his behavior. I know that it's been ongoing and there appears to be some passive-aggressive behavior going on w/him as well. If that is the case, it can be very annoying and yes, it's a way to provoke you into anger. You will need to find a way to diffuse that anger, maybe punch a pillow, take a walk or a drive, but don't take it out on him. When you feel the anger building, walk away from him and cool down before you address the issue. It has been said many times that if you speak in a softer tone, people will hear you loud and clear and will be more likely to actually listen to what you have to say.
Good luck and seriously think about seeing the therapist on your own. You need that extra support.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
