Yes I did tell him 3 times in our marriage that I was fed up with being treated badly. I said it in anger hoping to sort of shock him into treating me better. Didn't work. I have been married before for a short time. That husband also had an affair. My oldest son is from that marriage and my current husband had a hard time dealing with my son (ADD) and not always understanding.I get it. He was a bachelor when I met him and was in his 30's. Not that I was perfect by any means. Matter of fact I am forced to look at myself and what I have done with my anger as well. I felt disrespected at times and felt I wasn't heard when I was hurt. I sometimes felt he couldn't accept me for who I was. Sometimes his anger was justified. I surely regret how I acted and regret what I said. BUT I didn't go to another man to get the positive attention I very much wanted from him.
Right now we are not going to counseling. We were and we were supposed to go together after going separately but my husband is too busy right now. I asked him to make an appt because of his schedule and he hasn't so I haven't brought it up lately.
I think that this therapist should have been giving suggestions about what to do. She told me to tell whom I needed to get support and not much else. She said she was just listening to my H and my H is fine with that. I thought of getting another Therapist but H doesn't want to and is good with this one.
T you are right he said it was the third time I threatened divorce that it that made him go numb. As to the MLC. He has been worried about his health for years. Every time he had any physical issue he would worry it was somthing serious. It got worse and more frequent as time passed.
Now I pray everyday and I am trying to make changes. So one example is that when he does something to me that he accuses me of doing like leaving things in his car (he left some stinky garbage in the car I drive and didn't take it out) I calmly told him about it and said please treat me with respect the way you want to be treated and he said "you're right". That was a much better interaction than usual.
