Crimson....just checkin' in.

[bustorama]

I beat myself to an emotional pulp looking at cards and letters my W had written to me weeks before the bomb. WONDERING how could this be the same person? This seems totally contradictory! She must still have feelings for me! What can this possibly mean?!?!

Like Cindy Lou Who said, stop doing this to yourself! Your WAS has feelings for you, but not the feelings a W should have for her H. Otherwise, she would not be proceeding with D. There's the rub. Accept it, and respect that's how she feels! If she felt differently, she wouldn't be doing this, she's a grown woman!

Her feelings may change. After all, at one time she didn't love you like a W, then she did, then she didn't. Maybe some day she'll realize she's more than grateful for you, but she loves and misses you. Maybe she won't. Thing is, you don't control her feelings and your long-term happiness should not depend upon her feelings, actions, or presence. That is what labug means by co-dependence. Yes, loss and break-ups hurt like hell, but as you pick yourself up and GAL and heal, and find yourself as an individual again, life will get better and better for you.

She's grieving now, too. Let her grieve and heal and "find herself." Let her stretch her wings and see what she wants. She might decide the grass is not greener and fly back. Don't look or wait for it, though. They're attracted to our backs.

Besides the antideps, have you looked into any sort of talk counseling? Either a therapist or clergy or support group, like a divorce care, or even a men's group. I know here can help, but it helped me alot emotionally to go through this process with a guy therapist. He helped me find my legs again and nudged me towards seeing that things really would be OK, that me and my kids would be just fine on our own, that life not only would go on, but was going on.

You really want to have your full-fledged energy into GALing. What's been on your GAL menu the last 2 weeks, and what about for the next 2 weeks?