what if she ask me to go shopping, should I just say no that I already took care of it?
yes. Don't wait for her suggest shopping, Don't wait hoping she'll suggest. don't worry that if you shop without her and then she wants to shop with you, you'll have made a mistake.
You were planning to take you D somewhere. W decided to come along, then decided to change the day because of the weather?
Is D with you right now? If so take her anyway. Just text W and say that a little rain can't slow you down or ice cream is needed on a day like today. DON'T say you're welcome to come or whatever.
You will slowly detach and get to a point where you don't factor in W's opinions, wishes, or what you think she might want to do into your decisions. The sooner you get to this point the better. Because first you will feel so much better about yourself. And second she will notice.
In the meantime you have to step back even if it's the last thing you want to do. If you feel like sending an email or text WAIT. send nothing for 24 hours. Post it here sleep on it and see how you feel later. It will save you weeks of heartache by not doing something rash.
I will not ask that you give me an answer by a certain date, but I think it would be best that I don't contact you until you do.
After I sent this email, it bother me because it made me look a little soft but I do want if possible to save our family, but conflicted that she is willing to leave me and D for a co-worker she has been with for a month.
I want to go dark now, but we where suppose to take D7 out tmw for a treat, and Im wondering if I should txt her to let her know that I still want het to come and spend time with D.
That email I sent, was to her work email and she just txt me to say that her boss reads all her email and that she is in a little bit of trouble since he now knows of the A (her company is very strict about moral issues). I did not mention in the email that the A was with a co-worker, so I guess she won't get fired. I'm conflicted, while I don't want to get in trouble, for some reason I'm a little glad that she now has to face up to what is going on. Since this has started she has been living the carefree life of a single person going out all night with OM, while I stayed home raising D as a single dad. Don't get me wrong I've loved every minute of it, but it is a lot of work working full time and raising a child by yourself.
M-41 W-41 D-7 M- 10yrs I still love you, but 4-25-12 Think she might have EA/PA 5-17-12 Confirmed PA 6-9-12
then you say dim is working (less than 24 hours later) because she wants to have ice cream
then she says weather's bad can we put this off.
CONSISTENCY is key! They won't believe your words only your actions.
Trust me we all think that the communication we have is needed in some way and not breaking the 37 rules. It is. There isn't a million clauses. Just take D. I'm not convinced she wants to go. Just that she saw it on the calendar and then came up with an excuse. That's mind reading I know. But you have to separate yourself and start living your life independently
she is in a little bit of trouble since he now knows of the A (her company is very strict about moral issues)
that's just weird.
Quote:
Since this has started she has been living the carefree life of a single person going out all night with OM,
you don't know how she's been living, what she's been feeling, you're projecting that her life is carefree. I'm positive that she is carrying a lot of guilt and is very very conflicted.
Don't reply! Wait...and see how you feel a few hours from now.
Brit45- Agreed, I'm still trying to make sure that D does not start feeling that her mom does not care about her, so every text I've sent has only been about D. But you are right I have to cut it out. Just told her I can't do tmw, me and D are going tonight.
M-41 W-41 D-7 M- 10yrs I still love you, but 4-25-12 Think she might have EA/PA 5-17-12 Confirmed PA 6-9-12
Detach from w as much as possible. Take care of yourself and your daughter. You wife is in a fog now -- you can't worry what she says or does -- and most importantly you can't worry about what she is thinking as she is the only one that knows this. Follow the advice from the "experts" on this forum. Become a better human and dad. Make these changes for YOU. Making these changes for you will make you a better person -- for yourself --- no matter how things turn up with your wife.
