My gift shopping for D3 birthday with the W didn't go well. W was a complete b!t@*.
However, some good did come out of it.
Expectations - I thought we would do some shopping and then grab something to eat and some drinks. Didn't happen, wasn't even brought up.
Lesson Learned: Just be. Don't put any expectations on what is going to happen or it will tear you up.
Stay Confident and Happy - Despite the sour mood of the W, I stayed happy and confident.
Lesson Learned: You are projecting strength. W didn't immediately change because of how I was, but I know she took notice. Her mood hasn't been sour around me lately and I refuse to stop being friendly and jovial when I am around her.
Be a good father - Shopping wasn't about me or the W, it was about the D. I kept my actions at that.
Lesson Learned: Women like a good father figure. In the end, you might not be a H, but you will always be the father of your D.
Don't chase, don't pursue - I never once brought up the OM, the R, the M or anything like that.
Lesson Learned: I didn't make my W feel uncomfortable. She is learning she can spend time with me without having to hear about her decision or actions at this time.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
So looks like me going dim is working, I forgot that I set tonights outing in our Google calendar and W said she is going, still not sure if she will show up, but we will see. Kinda of worried since this will be the first time we either see or talk since the blow up. I made a promise to myself that THERE WILL BE NO R TALK!! Need to do what you guys have been telling me detach and not think about the OM.
I think the detach part will be easy, not sure about the OM. What I mean is I don't care about the OM as a person , but the mental images I get of them together really bothers me.
The odd thing is, just before I looked at the calendar, I was looking up lawyers.
Will wish me luck, meeting is for 7PM.
M-41 W-41 D-7 M- 10yrs I still love you, but 4-25-12 Think she might have EA/PA 5-17-12 Confirmed PA 6-9-12
Do not do any 'us' or R talk. Bite your tongue! If you have to step away, do it.
The first time my W did anything after our talk, it was all I could do to hold it back. I didn't bring any of it up and we had a good day just talking like friends.
By not bringing that stuff up, she will be more comfortable around you because she won't feel any pressure.
It is a rollercoaster. As happy as you may feel after the outing, it will probably get worse as you will have expectations. Expectations = bad.
The mental images go away. Trust me.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
but will reach out when it get's closer to D's Bday to see if she want to go shopping for gift.
So this already happened? I would have advised you NOT to do it!
Also I thought things were getting better with me and H and then he told me he was thinking of moving in with her. I freaked out, he pulled back because he felt like his friendship was leading me on. (I think)
Anyway, what Lost is saying is true if you make her choose it will never be you. People don't want to be told to make a choice. Think of yourself as a salesman selling a product do you tell a person to buy your TV or get out your store? or do you try to make them feel comfortable, give them SPACE to look around, answer any questions but DON'T initate talks about the product AND LET THEM DECIDE.
People don't like to be sold too, they like to feel like they made a choice. Everytime you want to text, email, go somewhere with her think of a pushy salesman.
All the time you spend thinking about her, her R, and your feelings for her you're taking away from YOU. Do something for yourself everyday, be a good friend to yourself, and it will change everything in your life.
I don't want to sound harsh but your email sounds really demanding. No love story ever started with CHOOSE ME or else. I know you feel vindicated in the fact that you are her H and the two of you have children together but that's not how she sees it...and since you both know where you stand and your decision on the M, it's how she sees it that counts.
And as my IC said to me do you really want someone you had to chase and force to be with you? no I don't think you do. you want someone who can't spend another second without you.
Thank for the replies, believe me I have zero expectations.
The email for the gift shopping has not been sent, Bday is in July. I have no problem with the W not being involved, just want to make sure that D has a good day, but it brings up another point, what if she ask me to go shopping, should I just say no that I already took care of it?
Guess the email was harsh, have to learn to wait sometime before reacting after a blowup, I sent that email as soon as I woke up the day after the blowup.
M-41 W-41 D-7 M- 10yrs I still love you, but 4-25-12 Think she might have EA/PA 5-17-12 Confirmed PA 6-9-12
So just go a text from W saying weather is bad(It has been raining off an on most of the day) and if we could postpone for tmw? I plan tis for D, so not sure W should be the one who says date should be changed. We where planing on taking her for some ice cream from a place that has benches outside. Going to wait to reply,and say " Weather seems to be letting up, if it does not, thinking I take her to the other ice cream store that is inside.
M-41 W-41 D-7 M- 10yrs I still love you, but 4-25-12 Think she might have EA/PA 5-17-12 Confirmed PA 6-9-12
