Thanks for the advice. I've looked into that meetup site a year back. There's a lot of singles groups and stuff in my area that all seem to focus on drinking establishments which is out of my financial constraints right now. I joined some co-ed sports teams through there, but so far, the only time I had time to get to a drop-in game it was just me and one other person. Eh... I'll keep looking around for more stuff in there.
That EFT stuff sounds very interesting. The local library has a bunch of stuff on it so I've put a bunch of stuff on reserve and I'm in a bit of a hurry to get started. I'm not doing so well with this new life right now.
My W is putting more effort into us being friends these past few weeks than she's put into our marriage in two years so that the kids can see that everything's going to be wonderful now that we're divorcing. It's frustrating me greatly. I can feel her frustration with me in her voice and I think she can hear it in mine. I need to try harder, it really is hard to be aloof and uncaring when she's so excited to be getting away from me. And the kids..... Their getting frustrated and it's rubbing off on me in so many ways. I'm trying to find things for us to do because I know that I won't have them with me all the time anymore, but I can tell I'm in a rush to try to do too much and it's not fair on any of us, it's unrealistic and probably confuses the situation even more.
But I really do need to get started on getting free of these emotions. When my S12 is saying I'm yelling, but I'm not, it's driving me batty. I have checked on S12's phone. It was part of the agreement between my W and I when he got one that we would occasionally check it to make sure he wasn't sending/receiving inappropriate material. I check it about once a month, but it doesn't make me feel any better about doing it since I've cheated. I have looked at his conversations with his mom and it's frustrating. She's constantly trying to convince S12 that everything's going to be fine and she's not as bad as he thinks. That S12 should trust her. He told her he wouldn't trust her about EA/OM and that he didn't like them being around each other ( Recall that it was his friend, not me, that spoke about possible inappropriate behavior. I have no evidence, I'm not looking for evidence, so I'm not offering any opinion to my kids about it. ). S12 talks about how EA/OM and his mom don't talk to each other much when she's over there with them. She says he's in the house and she's always with them outside. Chances are they're behaving like that because of the kids and they're both getting negative pressure about it from S12 and his friend. I only listen to him and say nothing about EA/OM. I don't want to guide his feelings or opinions or give the impression I might be hurt by his mothers actions/behavior.
This is such a tough battle. I want the kids to believe in love and that even though things are hard, a marriage can pull through with care and understanding. But with MLC involved, all that is like throwing water on a grease fire. I'm supposed to be uncaring and independant and the message I feel like the kids are getting is breaking my heart. I saw my son text his mom that he's angry about her moving out and that S6 and I are both angry too. I specifically told him that I wasn't upset with her, that I know she felt she was making the right choice for her and that I respect her decision, that life isn't over and we're going to be fine. I don't want her thinking I'm crying myself to sleep at night, because I'm not.
I think that some of my frustration is coming from the people helping my W through this and feeling like I'm being viewed as something I'm not. Like I've done nothing these past two years, but try to make life as difficult as possible for her. All I've done is try to be better person, but maybe my hurt is still on my sleeve even though I'm smiling on the outside.
