and to do it so she can hang out and drink with her old group of friends. She says she is not even thinking about dating and has no desire to be in any kind of relationship. She just wants piece in her life and to enjoy herself. She had a very long and sad marriage before me so I think she is very concerned.
-do it so she can hang out and drink with her old friends I know you're hurt but do you see how you're minimizing and dismissing her desire for freedom and independence.
-she says she's not dating (a positive) isn't interested in dating (a positive) wants peace and happiness because she had a bad marriage before you (wants to heal from past hurts) and then you make it all about you and say are you saying I was a bad choice. No you didn't listen. You should have said I'm happy that you are working on yourself, I want you to have peace, this is validation.
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Now I am trying to give her space and let her heal and work on my own issues. I am not sure if she is just being nice and trying to let me down easy or if she is waiting to see if I get full custody of my kids before she decides if she wants to work on our marriage.
Good on giving her space. She probably doesn't know what she wants right now. She probably just felt very very unhappy, unappreciated, and overwhelmed in the sitch.
SS and TG have given you some fantastic advice. Get "co-dependency no more". Read that not "winning your wife back" Let's be honest right now if she came back tomorrow not much would be different. My H told me that once and I didn't believe him, I pleaded. But I see it now...so so true.
Also google the drama triangle. It illustrates perfectly that your wife was attmepting to rescue the situation with your exW and kids and grew to feel victimised herself by the sitch.
SS is right you need to get that legal stuff sorted immediately. Get your house in order in that regard. If you kids are in a bad situation that should be your first and only priority for the moment. Trust me your W will respect that and respect you for doing that.
