Journaling…Just typed this long post and it disappeared. GRRR!
This weekend was full of emotion: joy, excitement, some sadness, and even some surprises.
H and I arrived in NC early Friday evening. We just hung out at the house with my in-laws and got things ready for the graduation party. My SS’ graduation was great as was the party afterwards. Both sides of his family were there and getting along, so it was great. (We really don’t have any issues, and I really like his mom, so that helps)
Now for the surprise: Apparently H's dad showed up at my in-laws’ house while we were at graduation. He just happened to show up. He didn't know this was SS's graduation weekend. Told H's uncle who was at the house grilling food for the party that he came to get H's contact information because he had "misplaced" it. Left his number for H to call him. H didn't look happy when he found out, but did call his dad. He said all he planned to say was that he needed to step up and so something good for his grandson this weekend. He didn't answer so H left a message. He actually called him Pops in the message. He started calling him by his first name after their issue a few years ago. I asked him if he was okay, and he said yeah, but couldn't talk about it right now. I said I'd be here when he was ready.
H’s dad calls back and he misses the call. Left a message saying he was traveling and would call him back. H finally talks to him late Saturday night. H’s dad says he’s now living in Richmond, VA. That he had lots to tell H, and that the reason he hadn’t been in contact with him was mostly work related. He also to H that he had a new stepmother (#3 according to H). H talked to her for a few minutes, and she mentioned something about God. Now H’s dad is in now war religious, so H was taken aback by it. LOL His dad said he would send directions to their house and we could stop by on our way back home if we wanted to.
I asked H how he felt about the conversation. He said he was glad to talk to him. I asked if they had talked about their issue. He said no; that it had been such a good weekend, and so emotional that he didn’t want to ruin it by bringing it up. Said he wasn’t sure he was ready to go by the house yet. I said I understood and thought they needed some time alone together before everyone met up again. H did get the email where his dad told him he was very glad to talk to him again, and that he had been working overseas in a war zone since early 2011.
History: H loves his dad. His dad is as wishy washy as they come. (My dad is too, so I know them when I spot them). But H idolized his dad. His dad would make promises to do things, and they would never happen. H would always forgive him, and act like nothing happened. Well, one big thing was promised, and H’s dad didn’t follow through. It caused us a major financial setback. H declared then and there that he was through with his dad. They haven’t talked in about 2 years.
I believe H not having his dad in his life is playing a major part in what is going on with us. Right after H stopped talking to his dad, he changed. I think that’s when the depression started, and what may have led him to the “I don’t know who I am” phase. Not sure how his dad coming back is going to play out in all of this. Could be good or bad. Just sitting on the sidelines waiting and watching…
Also, one of H's favorite great-aunts is dying of heart failure. He went to see her in the nursing home yesterday before we left. Afterwards, we were sitting in the living room, watching TV, and he jumped up to go into the bedroom. I figured he went in to text someone or something. No, he's in the room crying his eyes out. I ask what is wrong, thinking it's about his dad. He tells me he just hates seeing his aunt like that. I validated his feelings, rubbed his back, and told him to let it out. I told him to think about the good times and that he had gotten to see her before anything happened. I think it was a mix of seeing his only child graduate, having his dad pop up, and now this with his aunt. H rarely shows emotion anymore, so when he does, it's like an tidal wave.
I have my call with Cheryl today at 6pm. Looking forward to it. Maybe she will give me some clues on what to do next. Because I surely don’t know. LOL
