I have read the 37 rules and a few other forums. It understands that there is no absolute right and wrong but there are some contradictions in some of the books. Some talk about setting up all these boundaries and being somewhat cold, while others like Gary Chapman's books talk about giving space, not pushing your spouse, not setting time lines, continuing to show them love with no expectations.
I don't recall anywhere where it says to be cold. You can set up boundaries without being cold. You can also give space without being cold.
Keep posting. What are some other things that you didn't like about yourself in your marriage?