I think that your awareness of your underlying feelings is a sign of your growth. I think it takes great strength to admit to ourselves (and others) our mistakes instead of finding some way to justify and avoid. I do not have children, but definitely recognize the feelings you described.. ((( )))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13