bustingout - so sorry to hear that you found out more details. that's always a really unsettling time.
I think you have a good head on your shoulders and your plan to be distant but friendly is properly DB.
In this situation, it may help you to think of H's problems as "her" problems for now - you don't need to go out of your way to assist him with any issues he's having. I agree with the note above to let him understand what life without you will be like. By the way - there's no way "she" knows more about your H than you do, though. Even if she knows the recent stuff. She just doesn't. You have the power there.
