Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

journaling -

s spent last night and all day with the in laws. this morning mil called and said he wanted to stay there and swim all afternoon and i laughed and said that's what i expected. she asked if i wanted to come over for dinner and i said that great - i don't have to cook then.

but as the day went by, i realized that i didn't really want to go over there. i found myself thinking - i need to be more grounded and a little more detached before i can be in that house - i actually haven't been invited for dinner since january - and i've understood. h and s have been there 2 or 3 times a week and i've worked on letting that go and feel ok about it.

so i left a message for them saying i'd just come to pick s up. mil called me back to say - well h stopped by and is staying for dinner - and i said well it's good i based my decision on other reasons. she asked if i'd change my mind and come, and i said no, i don't think so - i don't need to be around him ( all these months, i waited for the opportunity) , besides i need to detach and this is part of it.

mil said she really understood and suggested that h could drop s home instead of me going all the way out there. and i said that would be great. so she gave the phone to h and i asked him and he said sure. then he asked - aren't you coming over, i thought you'd be here. and i just said no, i have a lot to get done before the week starts.

then he kept us on the phone - making me go online to check the bank account and if he'd been paid etc and then seemed to keep prolonging the conversation just talking about finances. i just quietly answered him and then said thanks for bringing s home and got off the phone.

i'm so quiet and calm now - it feels good to be here, even knowing that they are all there - in the past i had to work at getting over it. now, suddenly i don't need to work at it at all - in fact i removed myself from it one more baby step for me.