My story, my progress, my hope

[Tinman]

Journal entry: It has been a very long few days. No word but trying to be strong and give her the space it appears that she needs. I have been doing at least 10 miles on the bike every day and then on Friday I tried a crossfit class. I must say it kicked my ars but the people were very nice and it feels good to be doing something to improve myself. I would love to drop another 50lb and be more confident about myself and while I keep telling myself it is just for me it would be nice to get her attention ;-)
She told me a few months ago that she just was not attracted to me anymore. At first I thought what a horrible thing to say to your spouse but looking back at some of the photos over the last year I can't say I really blame her. I would never find me attractive in the shape I am in! In the beginning we were inseparable and constantly chasing each other around the house but I let the crazy ex-wife and all that drama come between us and it did a number on me. I tried to deal with it by eating. My wife has tried encouraged me for so long to do something about it and I have to admit she tried everything to reach me but all it did was annoy and push me away. So I started hiding it from her.
Now I am trying to deal with my issues with a C, joined OA, reading self-help books, communicating with folks in the same situation on this forum, started doing at least 10 miles every day on the bike and now I am going to join the crossfit gym and do that 5 times a week. If only I had tried to do some of this stuff sooner and really showed her how important she was to me. Hopefully not too little too late!