I'm still a bit shell-shocked to have had my worst fears confirmed - that h is in a full relationship with OW.
I thought I had been doing pretty well detaching from him in my day-to-day life. I had been moving on with my life and was not pursuing. At least in my head, things had changed for me - I have cut many of the ties and was interacting with him differently.
But obviously I need to take action again on the finances - that and the kids is our only connection, really, now.
I feel like I really need a DB coach, the line between keeping the road home paved and smooth and going NC still confuses me.
Often, I read here about DB coaches advising people to be nicer to their spouses, to do things that show them what they're missing, and so on. The advice from posters however often seems to be different - it's more like, until you tell your spouse you're done with them, they won't think about returning.
I feel like I know my H - I believe he does want to come home but is too frightened, ashamed, and believes he is too much of a bad person to return.
He has to run from the ruin that he's caused to us, and as he said recently, he is with OW because she is just the sort of person that he deserves (i.e., they are both bad people).
H texted the kids repeatedly yesterday with messages of how much he loved them and missed them. He sent them hugs over and again. It wasn't smarmy, just heart-wrenching really. I guess the fantasy holiday hasn't really worked out too well (and only 2 days in).
As MIL says, he just seems so lost.
He really was a nice guy before all this financial disaster happened and he lost the ability to cope.
I'll keep reading what you have all advised and try to work towards it.
Busto, in particular, I know you must be at your wits end with me. I thought I had taken your advice onboard - I'd detached, moved on, and changed my mental attitude - but obviously I am still trying to make him see what he's missing with me in ways that are not working out so well.
I'll keep paying attention and valuing this great advice I'm receiving. Please bear with me, this is taking me some time to work out....
ncl, I particularly like the idea of taking my power back. Boy, do I need that!
