Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

yes brit - i realize the huge breakthrough - i cried out of relief for quite awhile. it was a huge moment for me this afternoon - and it really came out of the blue after a meditation.

and it's part of the letting go - and now i see the other pattern - i'll start to let go and then i think something deep inside me gets scared - you know, that idea of if you let go you might lose them, that makes us cling on?

and then my mind started reeling and before i knew it, i was sub consciously looking for a way to "connect" with h by telling him something more that i had discovered about my part in it.

luckily i posted here and waited - and luckily for me scaredsilly pointed out what i was really about to do.

and luckily for myself - i listened and accepted.

just one more step in accepting the "brutal reality of what is taking place" - there is NO connection. not unless h makes it clear he wants one.

and so each day, i find out more and more about why nothing has been working - because i've been not understanding what it means to detach and i've been pursuing in so many ways that i hadn't realized. so each day i am very lucky when i come here, and all of you help me to see it more clearly.

did you move to another country to be with your h? are you from 2 different cultures?

" I unhappy about how something's started and I held onto that and waited for him to prove me wrong but my energy just made it a self fulfilling prophecy."

yes, i'm starting to see that -it was all about expectations.

"I want to be calm and confident in anything I do. No urgency!"

yes - i'm trying to drop the urgency - it's so difficult - it's become a tiresome habit that i need to break.

thanks brit
zig