So I am trying to hop in the shower after S's baseball game. D comes upstairs and says something about showing her nightgown to someone. I could not quite make out what she was talking about and then when I start to get into the shower it hits me!!! The OW!! H is facetiming with her downstairs while I was taking a shower!!!! Arg!!!! I immediately get dressed and tell D she is coming by me. H comes up and says he has her show on downstairs and I tell him she is watching tv with me. I am sooooooooo mad. How can he be so %{^|€|> clueless!!! I have told him time after time I do not want the kids near her. I am trying to keep their world stable and he is a walking disaster.
I need to call the lawyer and get the retainer down and get things rolling. This is just ridiculous.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So H sends an email telling me he is taking D to his see his mom this weekend and wants to know when be can take the kids camping. I told he can take them any weekend they are free but he is not to bring them around OW or her children. I told him until the day we are D this is how I feel and I will not back down. He also asked about the house and I told him he strongly felt the urge to get the appraisal but I would not sign anything or agree to anything until the D was final. He never emailed me back. He thinks I am stupid. He must think I am stupid. There is no other reason.
I printed off all the email correspondence between us and the banker etc. I also took all the bank statements and credit card statements and highlighted charges H has made on OW. He did end up taking her to London and that us when the bank account went into the negative. Not good.
H is digging his own grave here. It's not going to be a pretty picture when it's all said and done.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I think you should start a schedule for your H. Even though you are still living together. You should go through the calender and divide up the weekends. H should be responsible for all the kids activities on his weekends. You should disappear when its H weekend and go GAL. I think its worth a shot. It may shake him up a little
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Well I am meeting the lawyer Friday to write up a temporary order and order for just cause. H will be po'd but I don't care. I have had it. I have sat back kept quiet and bid my time. It's time to take action. I have given H enough rope to hang himself.
Which, by the way, leads to the "abandonment" issue. H is MIA once again. Now weekends are not enough he has to disappear during the week too. That's okay. More fuel for the fire. Every time I introduce reality into H's little fantasy world he runs. So it's time for a major dose of reality. The fallout will not be pretty.
And yes he should take both kids so I can GAL. I actually did this Saturday night while at the hotel for S's soccer tournament. After eating pizza some soccer parents and coaches stayed behind to chat and have some adult refreshments. H went back to the pool with the kids. I stayed with adults and chatted. I happened to start a conversation with a very cute male soccer coach. We shared some beers and some glances. It was nice to know I still got it and that other men actually find me attractive. After all these years I still got it! I didn't get back to the room till 2:00 in the am. And the best thing is I have witnesses. Nothing happened. But it was nice to flirt! : )
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I don't have any advice ... just wanted to ditto all the good advice you've had, so far.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Been a while since I have posted. H took D up north to visit his mom. Idk if Ow is along for the ride, but I have no doubt I will find out. This behavior will change soon. Once he finds out I have retained a lawyer his attitude will change. I expect spew, but he will know he needs to watch what he does and says to me.
Ate lunch afterward in a restaurant by myself. Out of character for me, but I actually enjoyed it. Just because you are alone does not mean you are actually lonely. : ). It's nice to enjoy the company of my own self.
So I don't want this to be nasty, but I cannot trust him. He obviously does not have my best interest at heart.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Just because you are alone does not mean you are actually lonely.
... and just because you are single, or not currently in an intimate relationship doesn't mean you are alone! We each have our families, our friends, our colleagues, our children and our beautiful, divine selves ... we are never really alone either!!
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Been a while since I posted. Too busy GAL'ing. Lots of outdoor activities with the kids and lots of running around. Beautiful weather and lots of sunshine. My hair is pretty well bleached from all the sun but I love it!!!
On the home front H is pretty freaked out that I retained a lawyer. He has been trying to talk me out of the lawyer route. He says a lawyer is unnecessary and j only need to express my concerns and we can talk about them as adults. Uh, too late. I tried that. You didnt listen and I am done playing games. Now he is trying to be nice and tells me he wants things amicable between us. Tells me it's nothing personal but he just does not want to be married anymore. It has nothing to do with OW and he still cares about me and has feelings for me but just does not want the "relationship" between us anymore. Gee that makes all the difference (please note the sarcasm). As if that makes things any better. There is no point in discussing this with him because it's all about him and no opinion matters unless it is in synch with his. I just walk away and try not to get pulled into the crazy.
I have done a fairly good job at detaching but it hurts to hear the words "I just don't want to be married anymore." Seriously he is just like a teenager who is done with his toy and wants another one.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH, I'm sorry you're going thru this. It's obvious that you don't want it. I wish it could turn around for you, but at least you're taking care of what you need to. A lawyer is a good idea if the D is actually going to happen.
I hope you can lessen some of the animosity you have for your H for making this decision. It will only hurt you in the long run. Can you reflect back to a time before you were M'd, when you were dating other people? Did you ever break up with someone? I'm not suggesting that M is on the same level as dating, but it might give you some insight into what it's like to be in his shoes. Was there ever anyone that you broke up with that didn't want you to? Did breaking up with them make you a horrible person? I don't think so. You probably just evaluated the R and decided it wasn't for you. Can you think of anything the person could have done to make things work out that you would have continued dating them? Could you have stayed with them anyway, just because they didn't want to break up? I think it takes two to make a R. Insisting that someone stay with you when they don't want to doesn't qualify it as being a healthy R. Again, not at all on the same level, but hopefully something to get you started.
I'm just suggesting this because I saw the animosity that my H carried for his ex-W, and it impacted him and their R and his R with his kids -- and ours! -- for years. If he could have just let it go and focused on the good he had before him, his life would have been so much better. The end of a M is not the end of the world. It's just an opportunity for something different, possibly even better.
