Lost

[LostIn407]

Unfortunately, this isn't the movies. When we press for the W to decide me and the family or the OM, it will usually be the OM.

I am not the posterboy for this situation because I am making mistakes, but I can tell you what I learned.
- This time to think isn't about the OM and whether she loves him more than you. There is a bunch of stuff going on inside her head. The OM is the easy escape because it is still in the honeymoon. She can be with the OM and not be judged, not have to make any decisions. She gets all the good, none of the bad.

Gift of time -- USE IT

- The OM is nothing. Do not waste time and energy thinking about it. Mine doesn't have a name. When I have spoken to the W about the OM, it has always been 'he'. I refuse to give him a name. The sooner you can put it out of your mind, the better.

- Whatever you think is happening, is probably worse. Accept it. When I get down and call my buddy, he just repeats to be "It isn't something we don't already know".

- Stop the chase. Give her the time. Make her miss you. This is where I am failing. W wants to do things with me still. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. I am getting much better at this. It is getting much easier to turn down her requests. When I turn them down, she asks me more. When I finally agree, she can go a week without needing to see me. I am being used, her Plan B.

- Your W is an alien right now. Accept it. Don't believe anything she says and half of what she does. This is actually true. I can guarantee you that she does think about you. But if you chase or push, you are making her decision for her. How do you like it when people decide your fate for you?


Be strong. It is a rollercoaster. You will have good days and horrible bad days. People are here to help. It might take time, but read and listen.

One last thing:
Do not make the mistake I made. Do not pay to set her up in an apartment. If she wants to leave, she does it on her own. Split finances immediately.