You will have to make the decision to stop winding yourself up like this. You can stop looking at these pictures right now. Why are you doing it if it only makes you feel worse?
You are clinging to an M that does not necessarily exist anymore. One of the first steps of going through DB is to accept that the R that you had is over. Any R going forward would be a new R/M. That is part of letting go/detaching. It is largely for your sanity.
Take a deep breath and go out for a long walk today. What are you doing for yourself today that doesn't revolve around thinking about your H or your M?
