Thanks Zig!! I will do just that let myself think about the emotions and feelings in that dream. I know part of the reason it disturbed me is that I actually heard his voice in my dream and although I was happy on one level I was upset on another and then I wasn't happy with the way he was acting even though it was a position I'd put him in. I think that's key and I need to think about that later. In a way in my dream I set him up and then wasn't happy with he acted. He had other choices but I was the catalyst.

Maybe my subconscious is telling me that I shouldn't put him in positions he's not ready for yet. One of my thoughts lately is that he says I'm his best friend but what exactly is out friendship supposed to look like now.

You are very true about it was either he was hurt or you were. I think it's very common with the whole victim/rescuer/persecutor drama triangle. It's very very common.

So after all my ruminating. Feeling strange about where do we go from here? What is our R supposed to look like right now? Is there going to be a friendship etc. He texts me today.

So that's twice now he's texted me on weekends. hey it's the little steps MWD says right? He texted me a joke something I used to say that my mom used to say that both thought was funny. That's all he sent 3 lines that my mom used to say that I used to say because he obviously sitting about home (or her home) about to watch a film and thought about that and he can't say it to her because it would mean nothing and the explanation wouldn't be good. Or he's alone. But either way he thought of me and texted.

Again my first trigger response is anger like why do you just get to randomly text me something nice. I'm such a d*ck. I want him to text me, to be my friend, why is my knee jerk to act like I'm on Springer and want to take off my earrings. That's old Brit.

I have replied with something else my mom would have said and told him a movie me and S watched recently. He said he's never seen it. To which I replied I couldn't believe and that it was my fave by that director etc. I was being honest and then I thought how have we never said this to each other. How does he not know and we never watched it together. I like this....it's like MWD says they have to think they don't know all there is to know about you.

Zig, I am the SAME way! In fact when H came over for dinner a few weeks ago he said let me guess this cost you under 5. And I said are you kidding me more like 2.80 because the leftovers will be frozen for another meal. I now spend a week on food what he spend on one meal. I think he was unhappy about a lot of things, his job being one of them. And having a tight budget he felt insecure like he couldn't provide. I remember planning days out that was very inexpensive or free and then I stopped because sometimes he'd laugh at them.