New to DB

[bustingout]

Tomorrow me and the kids leave to Dubai to start summer holidays. h is meeting us there in two days.

It will be the first time me or the kids have seen him in close to ten weeks.

I am repeating in my head the words and body language I am to use when we first see him.

I will aim to treat him like a colleague ( not yet ready for friend and also I do think he would perceive it as pursuing...I think he thinks I may be thinking that him joining us somehow means it is a family holiday-- I am looking at it as him coming to see his kids on mine and the kids' holiday).

So polite, friendly but no hugs no kisses. And a simple 'welcome, good you could make it'. I think I will then will slip away ( kids will be all over him anyway), and go get a mani/ pedi or something.

I am going to go about our activities with or with out him. I have no expectations of him even staying in the same hotel as us.

I think if I can do this- while maintaining a sense of friendliness but control, I will have made a solidnstep in moving forward with myself. And I need to keep the thoughts out of my head ( what will he think? - I don't care). I have to remember I shouldn't care what he thinks ( ok--- let me vent it here. I think he will think I am either being a major bi#%* OR pretending to be control and upbeat just to throw him for a loop, OR that I am manipulating him).


I am trying to use some anger to keep me focused ( probably not very healthy) as well as that its my time now. My time to figurenout how i want to be.

Will remember kind eyes and that he is probably suffering too and even though he thinks he has it all figured out, is probably more lost than ever.

I am finding my way with or without him.

God help me.