An Unexpected Journey: A New Chapter

[greatwhitenorth]

Golf Mom
Although your H's suicidal ideation might be a byproduct of MLC and/or depression, it is not something I would take lightly. I've lost two friends (years ago, both men in their late 20s) to suicide and it absolutely isn't fun. It definitely isn't something for your kids to go through.

I suggest contacting a suicide or mental health hotline, sharing the situation and asking what you should watch and listen for, and whether there's other action you can take.

Is there a friend or family member of his whom you trust and can call to share your concerns so that they can take a role in helping him?

Especially right now, you MUST let go of your marriage. Don't analyze anything he says or does. Take everything at face value.

As for your kids walking around like shells of themselves, why is this? How does it manifest? Can you head it off at the pass? I don't know the ages of your kids, but I do know several at various ages who are thriving withing the context of their parents' separation and divorce.

A few questions to ponder:
Does your H put his kids first today? (If no, don't consider why this is, instead do everything in your power to protect them.)
Do you enable and encourage his relationship with them?
Do you use emotive or biased language when you talk with them about your situation? (If yes, stop. Use neutral language and kindness when speaking of their father.)

My H never expressed any suidicidal ideation to me, but I ALWAYS worry about people's mental health when it comes to major crap going on in their lives. My understanding is that the notion that those at highest risk for suicide never speak of it is false.

The mentally healthy just don't know how to hear their messages or see their cues. When you hear hopelessness in the tone of someone's words, and a feeling that they have no control, and a dire sense of the future, they don't have to say the word suicide for us to know it's in their minds.

Good luck.