golf mom, Your h is in crisis and they will say and do many "out of character" things while in crisis...thus the "mirror image" of the person that you once knew.
Depression will have them talking all sorts of things, including suicide. I had a friend that I wrote out in one of my threads who took me outside one day and pointed to a tree limb and said that is where I am going to hang myself. Did he? No, but he did tell that when people talk about killing themselves, they generally do not do it. It is the ones that don't talk to you are the ones that actually will commit suicide. I do know that I was very concerned and observed him from afar for quite some time. You will need to observe your h from afar, but you can't help him unless he seeks your assistance.
What you are experiencing is typical behavior, i.e., one day/week offering assistance if you need it and the next not wanting to do anything. This is exactly why we advise each poster to keep their expectations at zero...you won't be disappointed if he doesn't follow through on promises, etc. It is a rollercoaster ride that has many ups and downs and twists throughout the entire crisis. You, the lbs, will never know who you are dealing w/ on any given day until you listen to the first sentence out of his mouth...
You had a backslide yesterday...no more pleading/begging him to come home! The more you do this, the more determined that he is going to be to stay away and believe he is correct in leaving you and the children. He's not coming home for a few days because he doesn't want to hear the begging and pleading and you pointing out what he's doing the family. He can't face reality right now and he has to run. If he can't take care of himself right now, how can you expect him to take care of you and the children? He's a mess and he needs time and space to work on his issues. Yes, he is a father and a husband, but you don't want him to be there when he is so screwed up in the head. You don't want him sitting around being mopey and not actually interacting w/the family. BTW, how often are you and the family walking on eggshells when he's around? That is something you don't want your family to experience because it creates even more tension for all of you.
Love your h unconditionally from afar. You don't have to give up on him, but you do need to leave him alone and give him the space he requires. He will be in contact w/you again very soon. He won't stay away for very long, but when he does contact you, treat him like an old friend and keep your expectations at zero. You have to learn to accept him for who he is today, not as he was before he entered the crisis mode. He will get through his crisis at his own pace and we, the lbs, can't hurry the process or attempt to interrupt the process. If you happen to interrupt the process, the next time he hits a life transition, the mlc will be far worse than it is this time.
Golf mom, I know you are scared and you want your family back together, but it's a very long process and he will not recover for quite some time. You are going to have to dig deep for patience and strength in order to get through this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
