How many licks does it take...?

[scaredsilly]

2, sorry for all the bad luck. wrecks are so disruptive and time consuming. they're also an expense we never want.

small 2x4 for you in reading your post:

" Once we were on our way, W begins to cry again. Then she says ever since her illness, she can't think straight. We continue the ride home in silence."

your silence bespoke your anger. if she were a friend of yours, is this how you would have reacted? wouldn't you have offered sympathy and validated that friends feelings? anyone who has wrecked a car feels so badly. sure, she's brought a lot of her current problems to herself but maybe you have, too, with an unsympathetic mind?

"I was gone no more than 2 minutes when she sent me a text saying, "I'm sorry, I know we don't need this." I just ignored the text and went to my place."

again, she's reaching out to the person who is supposed to love her the most and you respond with anger. that's what no response tells her.

so, in my mind, she's getting anger from you and if i were her, i would pull away from someone's anger.

i know your state of limbo is hard to live with. i live with it, too. i'm trying to treat my H as i would treat a friend. if i want to keep a friend, i have to be one. i have to try to not think of how his actions are effecting me but think about what he's going through.

" It is obvious she relies on me when it is convenient for her and then gets angry at me when I try to help in other areas, as if it is an affront to her independence or a judgment on her ability to do things for herself."

this sounds, to me, as the effect controlling has on someone. they finally want to get away from it because it's the only way to get their own needs met without an argument.

try to take the focus off yourself when she reaches out.

just my opinion.