So how many licks does it take? Lick one was when my W fell critically ill back in February. Lick 2 occurred when she ran a red light the other day and t-boned another car. Thankfully no one was injured. Lick 3...?
In my last thread I mentioned that I over-heard my W sobbing in the bathroom last week for reasons unknown. This week while on a baseball reconnaissance mission with S10's baseball team I get a call from my W asking if I can come get her, shes been is an accident after having run a red light! I think to myself, could things get any more insane around here?!
I arrive on the scene just as S14's friend and his mother are pulling up. Apparently W was taking S14 to his friends house for a sleepover. Oh, BTW she was supposed to have been at some dance jam exercise class but apparently bailed at the last minute and now we have a car that is totaled!
So W walks up to greet the friends mother, gives her a hug and immediately starts crying her eyes out. After she composes herself, we send S14 on his way, get some valuables out of the wrecked car and head for home.
Once we were on our way, W begins to cry again. Then she says ever since her illness, she can't think straight. We continue the ride home in silence. All the while thoughts are racing through my head like, does she not see the signs all around her that her life is falling to pieces and God or the universe is trying to send her a message to stop and think about what she is doing. Or, how long does she think she will be able to rely on me to bail her out when she is in a jam. Needless to say biting my tongue was very difficult.
This was the second time in 3 years that she wrecked her car. She also damaged my car the year before that. And I remember at the time her saying, don't say a word to me about the damage to my car, before I even had a chance to examine it. I remember being more angry at her for telling me how I should react then the actual damage to the car. Now here I an at car wreck #3 and I'm doing everything in my power to keep my mouth shut!
Once we got home, I made sure she was ok, suggested she take a couple of advil in case she suffered any strain from the accident and called in the claim to the insurance company. As I was leaving, she thanked me for picking her up. And with that I was on my way. I was gone no more than 2 minutes when she sent me a text saying, "I'm sorry, I know we don't need this." I just ignored the text and went to my place.
I have committed to myself that I am not going to do any more to rescue her. She can figure out how she is going to arrange for transportation. She can fight with the insurance company over repairs, etc. I'm not going to rescue her anymore.
In fact, I think this is probably the catalyst that is going to get me moving in terms of getting out of this limbo I'm in. It is obvious she relies on me when it is convenient for her and then gets angry at me when I try to help in other areas, as if it is an affront to her independence or a judgment on her ability to do things for herself. And since she is showing ZERO signs of wanting to work on the M, I think I'm just about ready to drop the rope or whatever it will take to move me on down the road. I'm also tired of protecting her reputation in our community by keeping our separation quiet, all the while potentially damaging my own reputation with others who know about our sitch and may have come to erroneous conclusions because I moved out of the house.
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So what am I doing for me? Well first of all as I think I mentioned in previous posts, I have begun taking real estate classes with the goal of obtaining a license to sell real estate. It has always been my passion and I now have 3 of 7 required classes already under my belt. I have found the classroom setting to be intellectually stimulating and I'm learning things that I know will help me be successful in the future. I'm also planning a business/pleasure trip in a few weeks and am looking forward to the down time.
S10's baseball team came in first place in their Zone playoff's this week and they will be advancing to the city playoff's next week. I am so proud of him and am really excited to watch him and his team compete for the city title!
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W sent me a text out of the blue today about S14 and his job refereeing paintball over the weekends. He has been working both Saturday and Sunday which gives me little time to spend with him. Anyway, her text was to inform me that S14 had worked out an alternating schedule so that every other Sunday he will take the day off and go with me and his brother to church. This make me very happy. And I don't know if this was something he decided he wanted to do on his own or if W put him up to it. No matter I suppose, I'm just glad we can spend that time with each other.
So back to my question. How many licks does it take? Any wise owls out there who care to chime in?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
