Not Being A Victim

[BklynMom]

thks for checking in Cadet. I love your insights. I think at some point he will respond, whether through his L or via an email back to me. I dont think thats having EXPECTATIONS, my H is still behaving somewhat as a functioning adult and generally replies to emails.

Another perfect day with my girls. I will certainly sleep well tonight, grateful that I have two of the most wonderful gifts God could ever give.

I had a small awaking today. Verab wrote to me that I was trying to control my H by giving him a choice. That was something I really needed to explore within myself and I am so glad she wrote that to me.

The old Bklyn would have taken what Verab wrote as fact and I would have beat myself up with the little voice in my head for days for being controlling. Being controlling as was implied is not something my H hates about me. I am not very controlling. I never told him what decisions he should make with his life or career. My negative attributes are being depressed/negative attitude, talking meanly and being a perfectionist regarding ridiculously mundane things. Those 3 things are what my H doesnt like about me and what I dont like about me. (there are more too)

I stand by the email I sent him regardless of the outcome. It was honest. I want him to get help regardless of our martial status.

Many people on these boards profess that there is no treatment for a person in MLC. I disagree (not that I really know) but I think 12 step programs can help, a good therapist/shrink can help, medications can help. Just as with a drug addict sometimes you do an intervention, sometimes the addict gets clean - sometimes they dont; I do think its important to point these people in the right direction, whether they follow that path is up to them. I certainly cant make my H get sober. I cant force my H come home. I cant make his heart feel something it wont. (thks bonnie) But I will leave of a trail of bread crumbs in the right direction.

thks guys. It is true that everyday it gets a little easier. Still so hard but a little easier. thank you all for reading and all your comments, I need these boards like I need oxygen.