Crimson....just checkin' in.

[bustorama]

Thank you, LITB - I value your advice.

So in your situation how did you (or anyone) walked the line with filling your spouses love bank and pursuing?

If you are doing it in order to win her back/win her over/etc, then it is controlling, pursuing and not accepting of her wishes.

If you are doing it because that is how you have chosen to treat others around you, with NO expectation of anything in return, then that is filling their love bank.

I am not sure if you can honestly say that you are detached enough to just fill her love bank anyway. Your MISSION has been to reconcile/get her back and that is inherently self-defeating because you then get in your own way via expectations, implicit invalidation of your WAS' feelings and wishes, and covertly controlling behavior (by trying to manipulate her emotions, wishes, feelings).

Emotionally detach from that mission and your past R with her and instead focus on being a great guy and a great dad getting on with your life. When you see her, be a kick ass Crimson enjoying your new life. If she does something that merits words of affirmation and you want to be a guy that gives words of affirmation to people around him, then do so. But don't do it with the expectation or hope that it may get her to come back. That is co-dependence, unhealthy for both of you.