Is the cake eating 6

[bustingout]

NLW ((( )))

I have complete empathy with you re: OW. She at one time was my friend ( I helped her through break ups, held a surprise bday party for her...) anyway, I have not considered her a friend for years and in fact became quite weary and suspicious of her interactions with my H even before the EA/PA began.

Anyway- what I want to say NC has definitely helped me gain perspective, control and self esteem after over a tear of constant rejection, belittling and being lied to.

With the kids it has been tricky. Like you I wanted full cut off..but that is just anger reacting and really not fair to the kids.

So instead I have been trying to just stop facilitating his relationship with the children. Parent conferences at school, he is on the same mailing list as me with the appointment time, no need to follow up. School recital? Again he gets the same information as me regarding time and place..no need for me to do anything.

He wants to show up its his choice. He wants to call? itshis choice. My kids want to speak to him? No problem. He wants to speak to them. Fine. Just text me the time so i can make sure they are available.

My DB coach suggested that I can send an email every now and then, if relevant, with something significant or cute that has happened to them with a short message like ' look how cute!' or something like that.

I have done it three times in the past month. With no expectations. And it has been fine. In fact the last time my son spoke to H son said 'daddy I got a certificate at the end of the school year' and H was able to respond with knowledge because I sent him a picture of that. It made my son happy, to know his daddy saw his accomplishment so it was worth it.

I think the key is NO EXPECTATIONS.

Remember, the H should not have the honour of having any part of you, while he is giving himself to another.

Thinking of you