New to DB

[bustingout]

I was re reading through my thread and realise that the advice from all of you is so precious. I think at first we can't really absorb what is being said to us. It takes some time for emotions to settle

And then we can really appreciate what we are being said.

What great wisdom and insight that we are given here. It has brought so much calm to my inner self.

I don't know what is going to happen. But I feel I am learning how to have more control over whatever is in my path unknown. And I have my children, my friends and my family along the way.

I would do anything to have my H be a part of is journey. But his path is not connected to mine no more. For now. Thats where we are TODAY.

LITB the fear is hard to let go of.

But I force myself to focus on today.

My children are beautiful ( thank you God) and they are happy. We make each other laugh.

Maybe one day someone will like to be a part of this beauty I am enveloped in. Maybe not. But I am always in it. So why not be grateful for that?

[needgrace]

you are doing so well, busting out! i am glad that you are able to enjoy your children and friends. i knew it was a big growth step for me when i could more fully enjoy some of those things again.

your thoughts about building your dream house really resonate with me. i have been slowly picking out new art, furniture, bedspreads, vases, etc to make my home feel better again. it has really helped me to make it more mine. my W's art studio was in the garage and a friend helped me rearrange it into a work out space.

i have felt that same fear about letting go completely but did not realize it until you said it. i will be thinking about that fear and trying to understand it more. thank you for the awareness.

i will be thinking about you during your holiday and wishing you well.

[bustingout]

Last thing for now

I remember in crystal clear detail the first time I met H. It was magical. And he became my best friend many many years before he became my H. I married my best friend.

I miss my best friend.

So often i want to reach out to my best friend to tell him about my H.

Anyway. He is not my best friend right now and he is not my H ( except legally).

I used to tell him I know him so well.

Did I?

I think so.

I love DB. It is the only thing in the past two years that has given me any strength

[needgrace]

That is beautifully written, Bustingout, and is exactly how I feel too.

I can't help but believe that the person we loved so much is still in there somewhere in both of our S's. I know it was real and it sounds like you feel the same.

I hope your H comes home, to himself, to his family and to his best friend.

[LITB]

LITB the fear is hard to let go of.

I find that fear is all in our heads. When we finally face those fears, we think back, "there really wasn't anything to be afraid of." At least that has been my experience.

[bustingout]

NG (((())) I wish we could sit together in my kitchen, have a drink and talk!

YOUR journey seems so similar to mine. And the way you have been approaching your path has been inspirational and motivational.

Where we are now really has been a chance to figure ourselves out. I do believe that.

I would like to believe that the people we married are still in there somewhere deep inside. But for now, that person is buried.

I think itis so admirable that younger able to make physical changes to your home. I am still 'afraid' to do that. But I think I am closer to starting that.

Fear...I am starting to understand this has been my Biggest obstacle in my M and my life in general. Actually at work I don't feel fear. It's in my social and personal life. I don't know why I am such a different person in the workplace.

I know it has to be released. I know it leads to anger.

It's like I am standing on the edge of the cliff ready to bungee jump .... I want to let go, but... I am scared. And I don't have my best friend (H) to jump with me. I have to do it alone. It's the final step I know. And the only step that could actually get him to come take the journey with me.

I feel very connected to you. I continue to applaud and encourage what you have been doing. I know its hard, lonely and a lot of times done without any , appreciation ( from the S). But the smallest steps deserve
the loudest of applause. And I applause you right now, in my kitchen, half way around the world. Keep going NG. I am here for you.

[bustingout]

LITB thank you for coming by.

I agree it's in my head. I was afraid of him leaving. He did. Was it bad.yes. But I faced it. It took me am long time.

I spent a good year becoming a recluse, drinking, and living in a fog.

Today. I appreciate so much more. My friends my family my work, and number one--- my children.

Fear still exists but I can say today that I am more capable to face it.

Am less afraid.

Soon- I will not be afraid.

Thank you..

((( )))

[LITB]

LITB thank you for coming by.

I agree it's in my head. I was afraid of him leaving. He did. Was it bad.yes. But I faced it. It took me am long time.

I spent a good year becoming a recluse, drinking, and living in a fog.

Today. I appreciate so much more. My friends my family my work, and number one--- my children.

Fear still exists but I can say today that I am more capable to face it.

Am less afraid.

Soon- I will not be afraid.

Thank you..

((( )))

I like that. You are doing well. Be proud of yourself.

Have a great weekend and keep the PMA going.

((( )))

[jks]

You are doing great! I'm feeling like I'm in the same place as you, emotionally. It's taken me a little over 9 months to get here. What a journey. And I'm afraid I still have so much more to go. But I almost feel like the worst is over.

There's nothing you can do to prepare yourself for a spouse suddenly leaving you. And there's nothing you can do to prepare yourself for a spouse secretly having a PA. So to get through that storm and start to feel like you're getting your OWN life in control is quite the feat to overcome.

These forums really are such a blessing. I love DB too. Such great people here giving of their knowledge and time so willingly. It's amazing.

I hope you have a great weekend!

[bustingout]

(((jks))) how are you doing?.

I agree.

One of the bigger challenges I feel I have to still battlenis to stop asking how and why ( to myself) and just accept where I am NOW and work from there.

I hope you have a great weekend too!