Swimming with the Turtles

[zig]

i did that a lot for months , and then thinking that it wasn't working, changed it to more relaxed and welcoming - now i realize that's harder for me, and so switching back - oh hell i don't know - i'm getting to the point where it's changing for me

before i did it to "DB". today i did it because i don't care to spend all that much time with him. my time is precious right, and frankly how much return on my investment am I getting here?

zero, baby, zero!!!

from now on i'm only investing in the co-parenting thing.

if i can't figure out the basic economics here - how the heck will my little business be successful?

on the other hand - i have spent the entire afternoon quaking a bit - am trying to work through it and "manage" the rising feelings.

after i read sparky's suggestion on the paradox and watched that "lose hope" segment on youtube - i'm going through it on the next level - ouch ouch ouch - actually it feels similar to the way i felt in the first weeks - except this time, there's so much more knowledge and a tiny scrap of wisdom to accompany it.

thanks sparky - if you're reading this. it was timely for me - in the sense that i'm ready to be there - in more ways than i did before.

thanks grace