UKVB I forgot to say that yes, since it is the only tactic right now it must be the right one. Thank you for your encouragement again. These words give me strength.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Earlier this week when I was at work (I am a teacher...the kids finished school the week before and we had a couple of teacher days before our year finished) and H called ( from a UK number... So I guess I know now where he is-- where he had his back surgery and where OW now too!)
I answered he said hi how are you, I said fine thanks and you? Blah balh..then asked to speak with the kids. I said H I am at work and they are at home, I asked you before to text when you can speak to them so I can make sure they are available since they are on summer holidays now and out and about all the time.
He said yes I know and I texted you yesterday but you didn't reply.
I said no H actually I never received your text ( this part of the world..text messages sometimes get lost in space).
He said oh, ok ( I guess he thought was ignoring him), and asked if they would be home that night.
I said actually no, am not being trying to be a b*# buster but they are both spending the night out at our good friend's house.
He said ok of course it's their summer holiday I know they are busy having fun, no problem.
Ok, i said, well I have to get back to work, bye.
When I got home, all the plans changed ( the sleepover of 5 kids was now at my house! Argh) so after much contemplation I decided to text him and say, plans changed kids will be home after all if you are available to speak with the, i know they would love to.
He called almost immediately. My D didn't want to talk (!) and my S took the phone but the line cut! So H called back and by then my S was playing again with his friends so didn't want to talk.
So I said to H since I have you on the phone a couple of questions about the house. He then said all summer plans confirmed. I said thank you , really appreciate it. You didn't need to do that, etc. He said its no problem, my pleasure you are welcome.
I then said I have to go was in the middle of doing something when he called.
It felt good to be 'in control' of the conversation. I by no means think it means ANYTHING in terms of our R but it felt good to ME. I was different and I liked it.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Good for you!! And that is the way it should be. You did well...
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
My dad just texted ( he lives in Egypt) he wants to know what I plan for financial situation.
I was planning to bring this up when I see H next week when I go on holiday with the kids ( he is meeting us there to see the kids) To let H know that for now I just want to get the house in order ( fallen wall and some other work that needs to be done) and get on the Same page with finances.
Mindreading- he will not disagree about finances but will bring up talk of D. When? Spoke with my DB coach and we agreed what to say ( I am not saying no, but need time to process emotionally and get myself where he is, etc).
This causes some anxiety but need it to happen. Want to be mind free of him over the summer.
Am out for now. Will be back later
Xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
H just called to finalise summer plans. I noticed two things-
1. In the past couple of calls he has made he has started to respond to my changes. Because I am friendly yet distant and not asking ANY questions about how he is where is, whereby has been, how he is, etc he has started to axct ' formal' almost on the phone.
Me- hello?
H- hi, hello?
Me- silence
H- yes... good afternoon (like I am a business office)
Conversation continues....
2. I feel like I may be coming across as fake. It's the first time I feel like that. Like I am coming across as too aloof and really it's because I am covering up a mountain of anger..the calm before the storm. At least I think that's what he thinks..
I intend to let go of all of this anger and not be that person anymore that just holds things in and builds up resentment. But I guess only time will show that.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
But really, I guess I'd be REALLY polite and just get through the conversation until the the point of it was established and discussed then give a big smile and say ok thank you, bye!
Thanks SS!
Hope you are well?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I feel like I am starting to understand more about living as if....
I have to say it has been ' easier' because he has not been here since the final bomb and inhale not had much interaction with him nor do I have to fear seeing him or her.
But that's temporary. Because one day he will come back, and she will too. With him. And mynlife will be faced with that reality in a real sense.
Me and the kids are going on summer holiday in a few days. We are going to a couple of different places. The first leg is where H is coming to 'see the kids' after an almost three month absence now.
I have been in NC and he has initiated all texts/ calls I started ( either about kids or summer plans) . He is vERY formal with me because of it.
Today my daughter said she wants a new house (!!) she was saying it because we were at a friend's new house to swim and it was all fresh and large and lovely.
But when she said thought to myself 'me too' ! But only because we moved in to this house ( our 'dream house ' that we built) and it just reminds me of everything that is NOT about our lives. H left us before it was completely finished. Just like our M. There is a lot of work that still needs to be done on it before it can be a home.
And as I walk through the house I think..ohhh. Maybe a fresh start is better, where every single tile doesn't remind me of the discussions me and H had about this place when we were planning it. It's so indicidive of where we are right now.
I am not sure if my goals are realistic.
I still have fear about letting go completely. Of letting go of the dream. It feels like giving up on everything I was hoping for in my life.
Anyway, not much new to report. Had a lovely day with the kids. They had their friends sleep over last night and this morning we went out for brunch and then we went and swam at my friend's house then the kids' friends came back here for another sleepover ( summer time!!). My two girl friends ended up passing by for a few drinks and a fun chat.
It was lovely. I am happy. Thank God.
And H does not matter rght now. Wen I see him in a few days I will treat him as a friend that misses is kids, and remember he is suffering too and put on my kind eyes contacts.
And remember this is his journey, I have my own right now. And I am grateful that I have this time to work on myself.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
