LRT - Checking Progress

[LostIn407]

In FL, adultery doesn't matter. Divorces are 'no fault'. FL prefers Shared Parental Responsibility.

I come to this board to vent/think before I act, and it helps a lot. I tend to try to see all the angles before I act.

Before we moved to FL, the M was great. We had a good balance of family, work and going out together, just the two of us. It was the 6 months apart, the financial strain, the horrible work schedule that I believe led me here.

Before the move, I was making over $100k working a little over 32 hours a week. We had time and money to do a lot of things. I wouldn't have to leave for work until late afternoon so we could spend the day together. Five bedroom house and two nice cars. Friends to do things with when the other was busy. Friends with kids the same age. Friends to help watch the kids if we wanted to go out. All friends were mutual friends. She knew all of mine, I knew all of hers.

After the move, I was making $38k working 6 days a week and picked up a second job to help make ends meet. We had no time to spend together and no money to do anything. I had to go to work just after lunch so there was never time to do much. Three bedroom, cramped house. We had to default on a car. I sold mine to catch up and bought a piece of crap to get to work. No friends to do things with. No friends with kids. Family help we thought we would have was non-existent. The friends she found were not like the friends we had. She met people with questionable values. I haven't met many of her friends in FL.


I hope it doesn't matter how I got to where I am and that DR will work. I hope someone will validate this for me for my fear the going dim is just more of the same for the W.

All I can do now is be the best father for my kids.

I am looking after myself and think this is where I am doing the best.

I am willing to give her as much space as she needs/wants. She has told me she might need the full term of her one year lease.

I won't file. If she questions me, I will tell her that I thought we were working on the M so I didn't need to file. I do not think she wants a D. She has never mentioned it.

I won't be her Plan B. I think about trying to "win" against the OM, but I think I would rather have the OM "lose". As long as she has my good times, she can filter her time with the OM to get his good times only. I need to eliminate the good I give her so she can see what she is missing. I need to let the OM play its course. I just need to repeat that to myself. It gets easier, but I am human and sometimes break.

I do believe the tactics are working and need to give them more time.

Here is my personal 'win' for the day:
W text me asking if we were still meeting for a drink after work.
I tell her that I am busy at work and won't be able to leave early. (A lie. My boss is leaving early and I have nothing to do).
I then send her a text that I would be able to meet her after I put the Ds down around 10:30pm, so I can have more than a quick drink with her.
She replies "I have plans later raincheck"

How did I 'win'?
I denied her request. 180 for me. Old me would have left work extra early to spend more time with her.
I am letting her know I won't be giving her what she needs (me) according to her schedule. If she wants to spend time with me, she is going to have to commit to it. I am not her plan until her 'better' plans are available.
In my mind, once I see her willing to commit time to me, I will see this as progress.

UKVA, thanks for responding. When I get down on myself, it helps to have someone out there willing to listen/respond.