We both agreed on that rule months ago, in fact SHE was the one to bring it up when she was with OM.
AJM-
I thought of exactly what you posted last night, before reading your post, so hopefully I am on the right track.
When I think of this situation of being friends I am struggling with the fine line between standing up for myself and backsliding from my hard earned changes. I would like to be friends, heck, I would like to keep being married and work on the issues, but I don't want to have her cake eating and I also wonder how D1 would process all this (is mommy and daddy together or not?). I don't want to send the message that everything is ok and that STBXW can just use me any way she wants to at anytime. I also don't want to look like I want nothing to do with her either, because I don't see how that would possibly get a relationship back on track.
I have thought a lot about the past and her claims that I put my job before her and I can see where that may be true. I was scared because I started in my first career that had benefits and all and I did not want to be in jeopardy of losing my job or the benefits for the family. This caused me to work long hours, which were required. I did make time for her the best I felt I could at the time, but obviously it was not enough. After I found out about the first affair, she asked me to go to a movie with her and I wanted to be alone to think so I declined. SHe then said that she would never ask me again and from now we would do everything separate.
Now I seem to be at the same crossroad again. She is asking for me to do things with her at the last minute, and as of right now I have respectfully declined, stating that I already had plans, which is true. I see where I may be making the same mistake as I the past by being unavailable and the 180 would be to be available.
So what do I do? Do I be friends, yet meanwhile sending the message that it is ok to continue to have her actions disconnect from her words or do I keep down this path, stick to my guns, an possibly lose any kind or relationship with her.
If it about being right or happy, I choose happy.
I am asking myself though would I be happy knowing that I am being used and allowing it, or would I be happy to cut ties with her.
Any thoughts?
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
