V you can take the train to acceptance while you are on the DB train. I know how stressful it is to have H around so often - it makes it that much harder to detach. I can't imagine how tough it must be to be dealing with the 2 little ones on top of that.
Remember that so much of DB is about working on ourselves and re-finding our true selves. Don't be too hard on yourself for the conversation. You can't ignore the feelings that you're having and you recognized that it probably wasn't the best way to handle them (although in the moment it might have felt like a great release to push him off of the proverbial cliff).
It does sound like you might benefit from going back and re-examining the expectations that you still have with H. You seem to have thrown that in his face during the convo - but the acting as if he's not coming back would be for your benefit, not necessarily his. If you can set that expectation that he is coming back to zero - for YOURSELF - then you could treat his kind words about the meal you set out for him as just nice words (and feel good about that small thing), and not some sign that he is preparing to be at home 100% of the time. I know how tough this is, I really, really do.
