Swimming with the Turtles

[zig]

i'm reading tonight - following cadets list of links for mlc reading

found this post and was really touched by it . it describes our ups and downs so well. it's on a thread called "MLC depression is torture"

Laurie and Snodderly,

I am trying hard not to put any pressure on my H. In fact I have so little contact with him, that it would be more difficult to put pressue on him. But I know that I put lots of pressure on myself. Pressure to be strong, to get over this, to let go, to forgive, to be patient, to do so many things that are so difficult. This grieving is so much harder than nany of my other losses (mother, father, brother, grandparents). You expect people in your life to die, but I never expected my H to betray me and leave. But you all have helped me so much. I know this is about him and I am not taking it so personally anymore. My C is helping me to work on my negative thoughts and how they spiral down sometimes. I guess nobody can help me with the missing part. I miss having him here so much. Miss his laugh and his arms and his love. That is what I resent about other woman. she has those. I know it is not all roses for them but I don't get to see any of the evidence of his pain or depression. I jsut see him making his comittment to her more permanent every day. I know I can't do anything about that and so I try to put it out of my mind, but alas I am weak. he creeps in on me when I least expect it and boom, I'm down. but I know I will get better, I know I will survive and all of that. It just looks like it is so far away from here. So bare with me as I crawl my way through this tunnel. I seem to need your constant reminders that I will be okay.

God has blessed me with many good people in my life and he led me to this bb for a reason. Because I need the support of caring people like you who don't judge my feelings and will always let me cry or rage at the injustice of my H actions.

thank you
jaycee