i had to post again - more proof that my 180 worked, in terms of changing a pattern. i've simply stopped being the fixer and h seems to be jumping into the role
h called and tried to say that he just couldn't deal with setting up a play date for tomorrow and he'd have to wait until my appointment finished and drop s off. there was definitely an expectant tone from him waiting mfor me to jump in and offer to do it myself
i pointed out that he wouldn't be able to spray his house and work all morning and his reply was a bit self-pitiful - that's the hard facts of life, i guess i'll have to deal with
i didn't respond, then he said i guess i should set it up but i don't have anyone's phone numbers and it's too much trouble.
me: i'm happy to give you the phone number and yes it would be really nice if you set it up. he immediately replied very decisively, okay then i'll do it
called back later and the kid couldn't play in the morning but only in the afternoon at my place. he offered to bring them over here and i said great see you at 12.
what i learned: STOP OFFERING TO DO STUFF NON-STOP!!!
was definitely doing that too much. i just stopped!! and it feels damn good!
when i don't offer to do stuff - he realizes he can actually do it and do it well.
he might as well start doing this - if he's not coming back, it would be goofy at the least that s only has play dates every other week!
i did take the opportunity during the second call to say thank you and that we did a wonderful thing for s today and made s really happy. he seemed to respond pretty positively to that
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
