If as I move forward she decides not to be there, so be it. In our last MC I told her I want to save the marriage but I will be fine if it does not work out. Six weeks later I know I will be more than fine.

"All you can do, is to respect what her choice is, up to this point. And that choice is to leave the marriage. And it will be her choice consistently...until it isn't anymore."

Does this mean it will cease to be her choice when it becomes mine? If I decide enough is enough (lord knows plenty of people say that to me!) then I take her control of the situation away? I am staying strong in my changes, they are for me, my kids and the friends I choose to surround myself with.

My role in her MLC? So many things I could have said and done differently. There are many things I am not very proud of. I need to understand more about the workings of the female MLC before I can truly understand when, where and how I contributed. The FB and 30 year reunion, tipping point only. Mostly I took her for granted, and allowed other things in life to occupy the space between us. Well, we both did that really, but I was as guilty as she was.

For the L I already have consulted with one but I am going to ask around some friends who have gone through this. My W says she has retained an attorney, but I don't think she has one on retainer as such, she has just consulted on her rights. I should do the same.

Thanks for your thoughtful responses.

M 53, W 48
T 25, M 18
S 15, D 11
"I'me done!" 6/13/2010
Exit started 8/21/2011 ILYBNILWY
W consults with L 9/2011, no papers filed
Separated 1/16/2012